by Kelli McCarty
Welcome to a world of fifty percent control. Maybe more or less based on your custody arrangement. Whether you are nesting, separating, or divorcing, you most likely have gone from a life where you previously got to see your child or children everyday to now only seeing them part of the day, week, or month. With that new change comes not only the sadness of not being able to see your child everyday, but also another big loss. Control.
What your ex chooses to do at his house, with his time, is his choice. Unless it imposes a significant threat of some kind to your child, chances are you can’t change much of what goes on at his house or when the kids are with him. So let that fifty percent (or whatever percent they are not with you) go. LET IT GO. If you choose to focus on all the negative things or things you don’t agree with that your ex does, you are going to waste a substantial amount of mental energy on something that is out of your control. Instead, focus on what you can control.
Your fifty percent.
Your time with your kids.
That is what YOU do have control over. While coparenting with your ex and being aligned on choices and decisions for your child is always the gold standard, there will inevitably be things that will happen while the kids are with him that you do not like or agree with. A new haircut, different cell phone rules, what social circles your ex includes them with in and so forth.
But you let that go. Because it is OUT of your control and the focus needs to remain on what you are IN control of. What you do have control over is what happens within your four walls. Decide how you want to spend YOUR time with your kids in YOUR home. Don’t waste your precious mental energy on things you can’t change.
You are in the driver’s seat now. Well, at least fifty percent of the time.