The Deep Hurt of Divorce

woman healing from the deep hurt of divorce

by Kim Johnson


There are many emotions people experience when going through a painful break up, and most of the time, the extreme pain can be surprising.  It is a traumatic experience and rebuilding will take time.  Some are more profoundly affected than others, but the truth is there is no shortcut.  Everyone must move through it at a pace they can handle.  Here are some ways that may help.  

Develop a support system

Look for friends and family who will be there to see you through the times when you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to listen. 

Seek professional help if needed 

It is easy to get stuck in the extreme pain of a break up.  Many may experience depression, whether mild or severe.  If that is the case, it is imperative to seek professional help either through your doctor or a licensed therapist.   

Lean on your faith 

It goes without saying that faith in God is a huge support for those experiencing divorce.  Leaning on your faith will give you the strength to walk the difficult path toward recovering. 

Let yourself feel your emotions 

With the extreme pain that one can experience in this situation, trying to ignore it or stuff it in can create more difficulty or even prolong the process of healing. Cry when you need to. Express your fears. Voice your anger. Holding in your emotions or trying to convince yourself you are fine when you aren’t is not healthy for you emotionally or physically.


Many people find that journaling gives them a safe place to process their thoughts and feelings.  Set a time of the day when you can write uninterrupted. This may be a time of discovery for you, of the deep-seated feelings you didn’t even realize you had. The key to successful journaling is just to keep doing it. Find a safe place to keep your journal so you can have access to it but feel it is safe from others. After some time has passed, you can look back at how far you’ve come and all that you have accomplished.

Don’t isolate 

Accept the offers to go to lunch with your friends. Take a day and go out window shopping or sightseeing in your community, and ask someone along. Spend time with family and friends and don’t allow yourself to become isolated. Some time alone is good for everyone, but don’t overdo it.

Be patient with yourself 

Everyone processes feelings in different ways.  It can be easy to expect pain to go away quickly and to try to move through the healing process too swiftly.  Allow yourself the time it takes to heal the emotional wounds.  Deal with them now so they don’t show up in your life in other ways later. This is a very individual process, so don’t compare your progress with others.

Be aware that you are vulnerable

Your self-esteem has taken a hit (even if you initiated the break up) so it will be very easy to make unwise choices when it comes to another relationship.   Be aware that you might be extremely vulnerable to a quick fix for your feelings.  Jumping into another relationship will only postpone your pain – it won’t mend it.  Be extra careful if you start dating again.

Be hopeful

While a bad break up is very painful the wounds will heal if you effectively deal with the thoughts and emotions that result.  Take care of yourself, reach out when you need help, and keep moving forward.