by Kim Johnson
Trusting After Divorce
Learning to trust is one of the biggest challenges many individuals face post-divorce. Experiencing the breakup of a marriage can intensify trust issues. According to relationship experts, new relationships are uncharted territory. It’s natural to fear the unknown. Allowing ourselves to fall in love again means taking a real risk. The risk of trusting another person and letting that person impact our life can make us feel exposed and vulnerable. Our core defenses are challenged.
Reclaiming your sense of self and learning to love yourself is an inner journey which involves examining your past from a fresh perspective. If you can’t believe you are good enough, how can you believe a new friend or a new partner would choose you? Because of your past experience, you might approach relationships warily and come to expect the worst. It may seem at times as if you’re wired to recreate the past. Thus, you may actually begin to isolate yourself which is not what God intends for us. Turning to God with courage and persistence, will help you to learn to trust again.
Ways to Restore Your Faith in Love after Divorce:
- Examine your divorce experience and the self-defeating messages that come from it. Counseling, blogging, and reading can aid you in this process.
- Accept reality. Develop a healthy response to mistakes and failing. Practice forgiving yourself and your ex for your divorce. This can be difficult if your ex left you. Forgiveness is a process that will take time but, in the end, give you emotional freedom.
- Don’t allow yourself to play the role of victim and stay stuck in the mud of resentment. You will only be able to move on by seeking God’s help to work through your grief and emotions.
- Practice self-compassion and be patient with yourself. Give yourself time to heal and be who God intends.
- Don’t compromise your values or let others dictate where you should be in your healing. Everyone handles grief and healing differently.
- As you move on with the new you, work to become comfortable with who you are.
- If you find yourself continuing to talk or think about your ex, this is a huge red flag that you still have some healing to do.
- Surround yourself with people who support your journey and can allow you to build self-worth. This may mean shedding toxic relationships and developing new ones. Avoid isolating yourself from others. Don’t settle for less than you deserve.
Believe in Yourself
Believing in yourself is crucial to building relationships based on mutual respect, integrity, and honesty. Over time, as you learn to trust your instincts, you will gain self-confidence. Don’t let your divorce define who you are today. You don’t have to let the pain you’ve suffered in the past continue to impact your future. Allow God to use your divorce experience to build your relationship with Him and your faith.
“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10.