Divorce is hard.
Divorce has been stated to be one of the hardest events in life after death. It can be a very demanding, exhausting time in life navigating all the deadlines on top of managing real-life moving on as well as all the emotions one is feeling. However, in all of the dark and hard moments, there does come a time when you can look back and find the purpose in all of it.
Finding out the “why” or the purpose of why you had to endure such hard times can provide that sense of understanding and empathy for yourself. It can provide you answers, clarity, and healing to move on and not repeat the cycle that you once had to live through.
It is important though to sit in the pain at times and not move on or brush it under the rug. This pain or hitting rock bottom can often lead to the most incredible self-awareness. It allows you to truly understand the emotions instead of constantly numbing the pain.
I remember the day. I locked myself in my dark master bedroom closet (as I regularly did to escape the pain so my children would not see my bawling). I was on my knees, crawled up in a ball, tears gushing down my face to a point where I was trying to catch my breath. I knew there had to be a better life for me. I couldn’t stay on this path, this was mentally, physically, emotionally destroying me. I was weak, frail, despaired but had to find a way to get out. It was at this desolate place that I asked the question to God, “Why, Why me. Why do I have to go through this?”
The next day, not even four months after my 4th baby was born, I received a phone call that would change my life forever. I now had all the facts that I needed to figure out a way to leave this life that I had partaken in over the past decade and a half. From that point forward, I knew this was the unanswered prayer that I had asked for so long. I then knew I needed to focus on my purpose, my why.
However, this purpose did not come overnight. It took me months to sit with the pain of fatigue, exhaustion, and of the unknowing of what was to come from my divorce. I had no idea how I was going to get through this and my anxiety and fear took over. I sat with the pain, acknowledged and did not try to argue with it. I gave myself the grace of letting go of the fact that I did not have it all together. I soon began to realize that it was ok to feel again and in order to heal from this and to find the clarity I could not ignore these powerful emotions.